Funny & Morale
Shop funny & morale from Stateside Quartermaster.
On duty · Stateside Quartermaster shopping assistant
Tell me what you need — I’ll search the live catalog, check prices and stock, and add items to your cart right here. Add a branch, size, camo, brand, or budget (like “Army OCP boonie under $40”) and I’ll narrow it down. Need something made with your unit’s name or logo? I’ll get you to the Custom Unit Gear team.
I use live store listings. Always confirm fit, compatibility, ratings, and certifications on the product page before ordering.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
Thank you for contacting Stateside Quartermaster. A member of our team will contact you regarding your inquiry as soon as possible.
Shop funny & morale from Stateside Quartermaster.
Shop by Type
Browse the product types available in this collection.
State Guard Uniform Builder
One complete head-to-toe button set. Checklist-required components stay visible even when no matching product is currently stocked.
State Guard authorization: Use only garments, colors, insignia, devices, and configurations authorized by your State Guard, State Defense Force, or Naval Militia.
Use this checklist to complete the authorized State Guard physical training uniform. Organization policy controls colors, logos, reflective items, seasonal layers, and footwear.
Stateside Quartermaster
Choose a manufacturer to narrow this collection without leaving the current category or series.
No manufacturers match your search.
As Seen on Socials - You Never Go Full Retard - 2x3 Patch - Gray w/Black
As Seen on Socials - You Suck Dick With Your Ass - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Red
As Seen on Socials - You Suck Dick With Your Ass - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - You Want It In The Crack And Up The Back Or In Your Snatch And Down The Hatch? - 2x4 Patch - Desert Tan w/Coyote
As Seen on Socials - You're As Pleasant As An Itchy Butthole - Black w/Orange
As Seen on Socials - You're Dry Humping My Last Nerve. - Black w/Neon Green
As Seen on Socials - You're Hotter Than A Crack House Spoon On PayDay - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - You're The Reason Nobody Likes You - 2x3 Patch - Gray w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials - You've Been Gaslighting Me All Night - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - Yukon Cornelius Fucks Hard - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/OD
As Seen on Socials - ❤'s Goth Girls - Long Tab - OCP w/Black
As Seen on Socials -Don't Yell at Me - I'll Get Hard - 2x3 Patch - Red w/White
As Seen on Socials -F.I.S.H. - Fuck It Shit Happens - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials -I'm Ugly and Have No Money But My PP Won't Hurt When It Goes In - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials -Let's Keep The Dumbfuckery To A Minimum - 2x3 Patch
As Seen on Socials -Spit Preworkout In My Mouth - 1x5 Patch - Olive Drab w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials -Stay Freaky - Tab - OCP w/Black
As Seen on Socials -US Gravy Seals - Meal Team Six - Operation Bulking - Semper Pies - 2x3 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
ASOS - A Nation That Refuses To Remove Its Traitors Is a Nation Run By Traitors - 2x3 - Black w/White
ASOS - Bored and Horny - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
ASOS - Can Heart Palpitations from Bad Coke Be Considered Cardio? - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/BLK
ASOS - Cop A Feel OR Feel A Cop - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Silver
ASOS - Don't Bite The Hand That Fingers You - 2x3 - Black w/Orange
ASOS - Have You Considered Fucking It Up Less? - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Red
ASOS - I Asked Myself If I Was Crazy, We Both Said No - 2x3 -Multicam Black w/White
ASOS - I'm Sorry, I Have Brain Damage - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/White
ASOS - I've Fucked More Old Ladies Than Medicare Reform - 2x4 Patch - Gray w/Black
ASOS - It's Not A War Crime The First Time - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Black
ASOS - King Retard - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Black
ASOS - Like A Good Neighbor Stay The FUCK Over There - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Black
ASOS - Like My Daddy Use To Say What The Fuck Is Wrong With You? - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
ASOS - My Idea of Surf & Turf... Hooker's Twat - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Black
ASOS - My Mistake Was Thinking We Are All Adults - 2x3 - Black w/White
ASOS - NI HAO FINE SHYT - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
ASOS - Not Autistic... Just an Asshole - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Spice
ASOS - On Today's Episode Of What The Fuck... - 2x3 - Black w/OD
ASOS - Pls Don't No Knock Raid Me.. I'll Cum :( - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/OD
ASOS - Possibly Special Needs - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Red
ASOS - Premeditated - 2x3 -Black w/Yellow
ASOS - Shenanigans Will Continue Until Management Improves - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Red
ASOS - Spit On It and Stick It In - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
ASOS - The Only Insider Threat Here Is Leadership - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/Tan
ASOS - There Isn't An "I" In Neither "Team" Nor "Fuck You" - 2x4 Patch - Red w/White
ASOS - Titty Licker- Tab - OCP w/Spice
ASOS - Why Are You, A Man Thinking About Boobs? You Should Be Thinking About War - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/White
ASOS - You Must Be Smoking Deep Fried Dick - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Silver
ASOS -Emotional Support Hellspawn Do Not Pet - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Purple
At Least My Trauma Makes Me Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Be Offended, Nobody Cares Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Be Patient I'm From The 1900's Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Beard the Fuck Up - 3" Laser Cut Patch
Become Ungovernable Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Beefcake Factory Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Been There, Done That, I Regret It, Will Probably Do It Again Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Beware of Old Men - In Dangerous Professions - 3" Embroidered/Sublimated Patch
Bigfoot Barry - he's got a big package for you! - 4" PVC Patch
Bigfoot Patch Everyone Asks Where Is Bigfoot - No One Asks How Is Bigfoot - PVC 3"
Blacklight Dark Blacklight Jellyfish Velvet Patch - Amp Up Your Wardrobe with Trippy, Eye-Catching Fluorescent Thread Magic
Blacklight Dark Blacklight Mushrooms Velvet Patch - Amp Up Your Gear with Trippy, Eye-Catching Fluorescent Thread Magic
Blacklight Sasquatch Velvet Patch - Amp Up Your Wardrobe with an Trippy, Eye-Catching Fluorescent Thread Magic - 4"
Blessed Are The Peacemakers Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Blueberry Fund - Charlie Kirk Memorial Morale Patch
Boss B*tch, B*tch Boss Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Bourbon Whiskey Come and Drink It Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Brick Around & Find Out Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Built For Comfort, Not Speed Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Built Not Bought Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Bullseye Bucky the Squirrel - 3 Inch - PVC Patch
But Did You Die Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Calculator Boobies Old School Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Came For The Toxicas, Left With A Torta Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Can We Act Like Adults Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Caution Friendly But Dumb Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Chicken Fingers Funny Morale Patch, 2.5" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Christmas Tree Cake Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
COMBO - POTM - NOVEMBER 2025 - Looking For Who The Fuck Asked You - PATCH AND STICKER
Confidence Causes Mistakes Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Confusion and Chaos My Job Here Is Done - 2x3 Patch
Consider This A Fucking Warning - Pigeon - 3.5" PVC Patch
Consider This A Fucking Warning Pigeon - 3.5 inch Round Patch
Cool Beans Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Crash Test Dummy Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Cute But Psycho Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Defund the HOA Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Dill Pickle Funny Morale Patch, 1.8x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Do No Harm Take No Shit Funny Morale Patch | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Doing My Best-ish Funny Morale Patch, 2x3" | Made in USA | VELCRO® Brand Hook Backing
Don't Bark If You Can't Bite - 3.5" PVC/Sublimated Patch