Funny & Morale
Shop funny & morale from Stateside Quartermaster.
On duty · Store shopping assistant
Tell me what you're trying to find. I can narrow the store by mission, branch, size, color or camo, compatibility, brand, and budget. I can also show new arrivals, hot/top sellers, and remind you when gear is waiting in your cart.
Current storefront listings guide my answers. Verify exact fit, compatibility, ratings, certifications, and delivery details on the product page before ordering.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
Thank you for contacting Stateside Quartermaster. A member of our team will contact you regarding your inquiry as soon as possible.
Shop funny & morale from Stateside Quartermaster.
Shop by Type
Browse the product types available in this collection.
State Guard Uniform Builder
One complete head-to-toe button set. Checklist-required components stay visible even when no matching product is currently stocked.
State Guard authorization: Use only garments, colors, insignia, devices, and configurations authorized by your State Guard, State Defense Force, or Naval Militia.
Use this checklist to complete the authorized State Guard physical training uniform. Organization policy controls colors, logos, reflective items, seasonal layers, and footwear.
As Seen on Socials - Hella Ass - 2x3 Patch - Multicam Black w/Red
As Seen on Socials - Here Comes The Booty Goblin - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Purple
As Seen on Socials - Here For The Income, Not The Outcome. - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - I Am Only Here For The Titties and the HAWK TUAH! - 2x3 Patch - Marpat Woodland w/Neon Green
As Seen on Socials - I Am Straighter Than The Pole Your Mom Dances On - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Neon Green
As Seen on Socials - I Bet You Know The Brand Of Window By Taste - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I Can Do What I Want - I have a Note from my Mom and a 9mm - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Cause Safety Briefs - 2x6 Patch - Black w/Royal Blue
As Seen on Socials - I Don't Know Why Everyone Is So FUKN Stupid - 2x3 Patch - Red w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Exist Out of Spite - 2x3 Patch - Multiple Variants
As Seen on Socials - I Feel Violated - Do It Again - 2x3 Patch - Gray w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I Get Paid To Do My Job Not Yours - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Identify As a Fucking Problem - 2x4 Patch - Red w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Identify As An Asshole - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Licked It - Its Mine - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - I Love My Hot Wife - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I May Be A Handful But My PP Sure Isn't - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Blk
As Seen on Socials - I May Be A Handful But My Weiner Sure Isn't - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I May Be a Handful, But My Tits Sure Ain't - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Blk
As Seen on Socials - I May Be Old But I'll Fuck You Up - 2x3 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I May Be Old.. I'll Still Beat Your Ass - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Need a Fucking Kit Kat - 2x3 Patch - Red w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Picked a Bad Week To Quit Sniffing Glue - 2x3 Patch - Desert Tan w/Coyote
As Seen on Socials - I Put The Petty In Petty Misdemeanor - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Blue
As Seen on Socials - I Run On Caffeine And Rage - 1x3.75 Patch - Black w/Gold
As Seen on Socials - I Say Mean Hurtful Accurate Things - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good - 2x4 Patch - Gray w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I Suck at Apologies so Unfuck You or Whatever - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - I Think I Will Cause Problems On Purpose - 2x3 Patch - Multicam Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - I Wake Up Early So I Have More Time To Be An ASSHOLE - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - I Will Shit In Your Litter Box - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Red
As Seen on Socials - I Work Harder Than An Ugly Stripper - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Olive Drab
As Seen on Socials - I Would Go Fuck Myself But I Have Standards - Red w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials - I ♥ Garbage - 2x3 Patch - Fuzzy Green with Black
As Seen on Socials - I'd Rather Be Judged By 12 Than Carried By 6 - 2x4 Patch - Black w/OD
As Seen on Socials - I'd Rather Be Snorting Cocaine Off A Hooker's Ass - 2x4 Patch - Desert Tan w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I'll Be Nicer When You're Smarter - 2x4 Patch - Desert Tan w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I'll Bite Your Cock Off And Call It Self-Defense - 1x5 Patch - Multicam Black w/Red
As Seen on Socials - I'm make'n em at night - 2x3 Patch - Sublimated
As Seen on Socials - I'm Nicer Than My Face Looks - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Red
As Seen on Socials - I'm No Gynecologist But I'll Take A Look - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - I'm Not Always a Dick. Just Kidding Go Fuck Yourself - 2x3 Patch - Desert Tan w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I'm Not Easy or Cheap But I Can Be Tricked - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Pink
As Seen on Socials - I'm Not Rude - I Just Have Balls - 2x3 Patch - Olive Drab w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials - I'm Not The Bigger Person, I'll Heal In Hell - 2x3 Patch - Desert Tan w/Black
As Seen on Socials - I'm Still Alive You Fucking Amateurs - 2x3 Patch
As Seen on Socials - I'm Very Vulnerable RN If Any Bad Bitches Wanna Take Advantage of Me - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - I've Fucked Up Bigger Shows Than Yours - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - If Found Dead Delete My Browser History - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - If I Am Messing With You I Don't Hate You - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - If I Knew What I Was Doing I'd Be Done By Now - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - If I'm Running Things Have Gone Poorly! - 2x3 Patch - Olive Drab w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials - If Morale Last More Than 4 Hours - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
As Seen on Socials - If You Can't Be Safe, BE DEADLY - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Black
As Seen on Socials - If You Can't Be Safe, Be Deadly - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Blk
As Seen on Socials - If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Mustache You Really Have Two Moms - 2x4 Patch - Desert Tan w/Black
As Seen on Socials - Introverted But Willing To Talk About Titties - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - It's Felony Sized - Long Tab - OCP w/Black
As Seen on Socials - It's Little But It's Cute - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Black
As Seen on Socials - It's Not Waterboarding If It's Soup - 2x3 Patch - Olive Drab w/Spice
As Seen on Socials - Jokes On You! - I Liked To Be Choked - 2x4 Patch - Olive Drab w/Black
As Seen on Socials - Jugs Are For Weiner Hugs! - 2x3 Patch - Gray w/Spice
As Seen on Socials - Just A Touch of Tism - 2x3 Patch - Multiple Variants
As Seen on Socials - Just The Right Amount of Gay - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Magenta
As Seen on Socials - Keep A Soft Heart and A Sharp Blade - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - Kink Shame Me See If I Care - No Really Do It Please - Black w/Red
As Seen on Socials - Lemme Get a Four Loco, A Boner Pill, And Six Bucks on Pump 3 - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - Less Nagging More Gagging - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Black
As Seen on Socials - Let's Keep the Dumbfuckery to a Minimum Today - 2x4 Patch - Marpat Desert w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials - Lick What You Love - Red w/White
As Seen on Socials - Life Is Short Eat More [(l)] - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Light Pink
As Seen on Socials - Like My Momma Use to Say What The Fuck is Wrong With You? - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - Live, Laugh, Toaster Bath - 2x5 Patch - Gray w/Red
As Seen on Socials - Looking For Throat Goat MILFS - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - Lord, Please Bless These Hands I'm About To Throw - 2x3 Patch - Olive Drab w/Orange
As Seen on Socials - Love My Country Hate My Government - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - Love's Soccer Moms with Big Titties! - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Yellow
As Seen on Socials - Maximum Effort - 2x3 Patch - Multicam w/Blk
As Seen on Socials - Me Seeing My Wife - Coochie - 2x3 Patch - Sublimated
As Seen on Socials - Meat Missile - Tab - OCP w/Black
As Seen on Socials - Might Have $20 - Might Be Gay - 2x3 Patch - Desert Tan w/Coyote
As Seen on Socials - MILF Hunter - Tab - OCP w/Black
As Seen on Socials - Most of My Decisions - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Orange
As Seen on Socials - Most Of My Decisions Are Based on If Its a Felony or Misdemeanor - 2x4 Patch - Black w/Neon Green
As Seen on Socials - Mostly Peaceful - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Black
As Seen on Socials - My Best Friend is a Homo... Why Leave it Out - 2x3 - Black w/Magenta
As Seen on Socials - My Dick Is Way Bigger Than Yours. - 2x3 Patch - Coyote w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - My Hobbies Include Anxiety and Overthinking - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - My Holiday Plans? A Nice Meal Followed By Crying on A Hookers Belly - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Spice
As Seen on Socials - My Neck - My Back - My Anxiety Attack - 2x3 Patch - Gray w/Green
As Seen on Socials - My Pronouns Are Let Me She/Them Tiddies - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Black
As Seen on Socials - My Pronouns Are Try/Me - 2x4 Patch - Desert Marpat w/Spice
As Seen on Socials - My Supervisors Don't Like My Patches - 2x3 Patch
As Seen on Socials - My Type - Goth Muscle Mommies - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Silver
As Seen on Socials - Never Forgive, Never Forget, Fuck Them All - 2x3 Patch - Black w/Red
As Seen on Socials - Never Killed a Mountain Lion But I've Choked a Cougar - 2x4 Patch - Multicam w/Spice
As Seen on Socials - Never Lick The Stripper Pole - 2x3 Patch - Desert Tan w/Gold
As Seen on Socials - Never Mock A Brother To Entertain The Table - 2x4 Patch - Desert Tan w/Purple
As Seen on Socials - No Caffeine - No Geneva Conventions - 2x3 Patch - Black w/White
As Seen on Socials - No Condom In My Wallet Because The Only Thing I'm Fucking Is Stupid - 2x4 Patch - Black w/White